


Without Knowing How

by snowdropintheheart



Category: Colbert Report RPF, Fake News RPF, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Bad Writing, Developing Friendships, Fake News AU, First Meetings, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Half Veela Anderson Cooper, Hogwarts AU, I call this Potterbert, I haven't decided Jon yet, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Ravenclaw Stephen Colbert, Stephen is Ravenclaw, Stephen's Father is Still Alive, is coming, or whatever, stewbert, which means
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 10:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12430665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowdropintheheart/pseuds/snowdropintheheart
Summary: Basically Stewbert Hogwarts AU. I wanted to write/read this so long, finally wrapped my head around to write some. It's far from perfect and I am not sure I can continue, but well. This AU just should exist.





	Without Knowing How

**Author's Note:**

> Um, no editing so far and I am not a native speaker. I'll just do it when I have enough time. I just wanted to share this with you guys. Enjoy.

“This is ridiculous.” Jon thought. Absolute, utter _bullshit_.  
  
His mother probably would be scandalized by the fact that his 11 year old son was using _that_ kind of words in his head, but well, the last couple months had been _insane_ , to put it in the most simple way possible.  
  
Jon knew he was different.  
  
Well, he _was_ different. Growing up in England when you were Jewish and American didn’t exactly make things easier. There were lots of bullying for sure, because of how he looked – _too Jewish_ apparently, the way he talked – too American, of course. “American accent is just _bloody_ wrong, mate.” And there were other people’s looks, and wait – does that weird boy really move objects just by thinking? No way.

In his defense, he wasn’t really _thinking_. It just sort of… happened.

He was 5, when it first happened. He was sitting and pouting because his mother didn’t let him have more than two Jaffa Cakes, forming a plan in his mind to sneak one or two more without his mother noticing.

Then, just like that, the package of Jaffa Cakes came into their living room by itself, _fucking floating_ in the air and landing on his lap.  
  
Again, with the language.  
  
So, he was a wizard. It wasn’t exactly making sense, but it somehow explained everything that happened. Blowing up the glasses around when he got mad, writing naughty notes on the blackboard when Hannity was being a dick, the list just went on. He was more than relieved to find out an explanation, that he was… normal. In his own weird way. And the good thing was, magic didn’t need to make any sense. For once, he didn’t need to question the logic behind when he passed through a wall to get on a magical train to go to a school where he would got magical training. No need to question at all.  
  
Maybe he was just thinking too much for an 11 year old.  
  
He startled suddenly when the door of his compartment opened with a huge noise.

First he noticed that a boy with rimless glasses and dark brown hair pushed inside hashly. “Get off of me!” He knocked his arm with the force of the push, it must have hurt, and it did, considering he as holding his arm with a grimace on his face. Although his voice was steady and strong, Jon could see the fear in his eyes.  
  
A much older and bigger guy followed him into the compartment, who was obviously the focus of that fearful gaze. “You thought you could run away forever, Colbert?” he asked, hissing, and clearly enjoying scaring the younger boy immensely. “Who’s gonna protect you when Mummy and your squib brothers not around?”  
  
Jon didn’t know what a “squib” was, but he could guess that it wasn’t exactly a compliment, considering the way he uttered the word with such a disgust. He kept his silence, he wasn’t exactly looking for another enemy on his first day. He noted that the older one was wearing a silver-green tie and had a crest with a snake on his robes, while the younger one – Colbert, apparently – was wearing similar robes to Jon’s. A first year.  
  
Then the older boy grabbed the Colbert by the lapels, bringing their faces closer. Jon could literally see the fear was growing even more in the Colbert’s eyes, which didn’t bring him any nice memories at all. And that was what decided for him.  
  
“What are you going to do now you little sissy Mud-“  
  
“Oi! Leave him alone.”  
  
Suddenly he was standing, stepping between Colbert and his bully, pushing Colbert backward gently, and covering him, a hand holding his robes protectively. Then Jon realized it wasn’t exactly a smart move, the guy was _huge_ – and he could do magic, he reminded himself bitterly. Even Colbert and him together didn’t stand a chance against him, with or without magic.  
  
And he was holding his wand now. Great.  
  
“You are so _dead_ , you fucking moron.”  
  
Well, I am, Jon thought. We are. He seemed mad enough to crush both of them. “Thank you.” he heard Colbert whispering behind him, he was thinking exactly same thing apparently. He had to admit, he didn’t expect to die on his first day of his new school.  
  
“ _Expelliarmus!_ ”  
  
Suddenly, the bully’s wand flew away from his hand, hitting Jon on the head and dropping on the floor with a plump. Now there was another guy standing at the door with his wand raised in his hand. “For the love of Merlin, it’s the bloody first day, O’Reilly.” He definetely had one of those accents which British people called “posh”. He had silver hair and blue eyes, although he was significantly shorter than O’Reilly, the way he held himself was definetely confident. He was really something, Jon thought, the blue details of his robes brought his eyes, he had a proud eagle crest on his chest, his skin was pale and he was literally glowing – wait, why the hell he was having those thoughts about another boy?

“This is none of your business, Cooper.”

“I am a Prefect. I don’t know what had just happened here, but I can tell that it is definetely my business.”

“Are you alright?” Cooper asked to them, ignoring O’Reilly completely. Jon was still staring his face stupidly, couldn’t quite take his eyes off of him. He heard Colbert murmuring “Yeah.” beside him, he repeated the same without thinking. Cooper nodded them assuringly. “Now, O’Reilly,” he said then, “I suggest you to leave immediately, although I should probably inform you that I have to report your behavior to Professor Leno.”

O’Reilly was literally breathing fire, but Jon could tell that Cooper’s authority was strong enough to make him stop. “This is not over.” he said, grabbing his wand from the floor, then he left the compartment, hitting Cooper’s shoulder deliberately before he left. “Fucking fairy.” Jon heard him say, then he was gone.

“Well,” Cooper said, his voice and posture was not much different than he had while he was dealing with O’Reilly, although significantly relaxed. “I apologize that you had to encounter such inappropriate behavior on your first day at Hogwarts. Anderson Cooper, Ravenclaw Prefect.” He held his hand out to Jon, who was still staring at him like he was in front of a really impressive painting. Luckily, Colbert was quicker than him, he moved behind Jon and shook his hand. “Anderson.” he said and Cooper smiled at him, “Ah, Stephen Colbert.” They obviously knew each other. Then Anderson turned to him again, this time Jon acted quickly, too, shaking his hand, “Um, Jonathan Leibowitz.” He knew he was still staring, God, he really needed to stop. But he was just so… _So_.

“Do try to stay out of trouble, boys.” Cooper said with the same steady voice and then he left, too.

The moment he left, Jon could feel his eyes were burning, like he had just stopped looking at a really bright picture. And in a way, he was.

_“He’s a half Veela.”_

“E-excuse me?” Jon turned to Colbert, who was looking at him quite amused, like he just saw Jon fell for a really stupid prank.

“Oh, of course, you are a Muggle born. Veelas are some kind of magical creatures, by nature, they are really impressive, they can captivate people. Cooper’s mother is a Veela, that’s why he is shining like a vampire under the sun. Not like he is a real vampire. Vampires are much more boring in reality.”

“Veela? And Muggle-what?” Somehow Jon could tell that all his question was stupid to Colbert, but he was still smiling.

“I’d love to explain more, if you just let my robes and we could… you know.” he gestured to seats.

That’s when Jon realized he was still clinging onto Colbert’s robes. “Ah, sorry.” he said and let him go. They took the seats opposite of each other. “Thank you.” Colbert said immediately, “The thing you did was really brave. My hero.” Jon couldn’t help being impressed by how sincere and easy his praises were, he felt himself blushing slightly. “I didn’t do anything really.” he answered. “No, no, it was amazing. You just stood up to him. Like that. Maybe you could be a Gryffindor. And, of course you need an explanation for that, too.”

“Yes, please.” Jon said simply, he was The Idiot of the Wizarding World, apparently. After O’Reilly, of course, he was definetely number one.

“Okay, so, Hogwarts has four houses. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Hufflepuff. The Sorting Hat – yes, there’s a talking hat that sorts people into their houses, I know, it’s crazy, right – anyways, The Sorting Hat assigns people to those four houses according to their personal traits. Smart ones go to Ravenclaw, brave ones to Gryffindor, cunning and ambitious ones to Slytherin, and the lawful ones to Hufflepuff. O’Reilly is a Slytherin, not all of them are pricks like him, I would know, my father was one. And Cooper is a Ravenclaw, well. You saw him.” He quickly informed Jon and he seemed to enjoy it, too, maybe he could be a Ravenclaw, Jon thought. Colbert was definetely smart, in a way that you would know even though you didn’t know that person much. He kept talking and talking. “Ah, and there’s the Muggle thing. We refer the people who are non magical as Muggles. It’s not a bad thing, my mother is a Muggle, your world is quite fascinating. The people like O’Reilly thinks that Muggle born people do not belong to the wizarding world, which is ridiculous, if you have magic, you are a wizard or a witch, full stop. He is an idiot, a very strong idiot, I gave him that. My father was a Slytherin when he was at Hogwarts, yet, he is a Muggle doctor. His family hates mine, and he hates me. Not suprising really.”

“Ah.” Jon said, he didn’t know that racism still existed in the wizarding world. People were people, why the hell he thought it would be different, because these people had magical sticks instead of guns?

“Don’t worry.” Colbert said with an assuring smile, “There are not many people like him. Not anymore.” “Good to hear.” Jon answered, smiling back to him. “And Veelas?”  
“Should have known that you were still thinking about him.” Colbert chuckled, making Jon blush. “Ah, don’t be embarresed. Veelas meant to impress people and it’s the first time you are exposed to their charms. You should have seen my first time. There not many of them in England, either, so no need to worry.” Jon felt slightly relieved that he wasn’t the only one. “And, he has a boyfriend.” Stephen continued, “Andrew Cohen, a 7th year Slytherin, that’s why O’Reilly called him a fairy. He thinks Cohen is a shame to their house, because he is gay. Well, long story short, he is off the market.”

Jon suddenly startled. “No, I wasn’t-I am not-No. Just… no.”

“Ah, relax. I’m just messing with you.” Stephen smiled.

“Oh, God.” Jon groaned, covering his face with his palm. “I can’t believe you just-” When he finally take his hand off from his face, Stephen’s gaze was still on him and still very much, amused by him. “Stephen.” Jon repeated his head, realizing he started calling the other boy by his first name in his head. Then he realized that Stephen’s eyes were brown behind his thick spectatles, a really warm brown, his smile was reaching to the core of his eyes, he was genuine, real, unlike any people Jon ever knew.

They kept staring each other for a straight minute.

Then they burst out laughing together for the first time.


End file.
